i've successfully forgotten what being infinitely happy feels like

i have no intention of exaggerating such things , it's fact . i've realized that when i was on my bed that one night , staring blankly at which appears to be nothing as i sleep in the dark every night . when you're alone in such place , you couldn't help but just let your mind goes wondering . i tried to recall what joy feels , and nothing as well . see , i don't know about other people but when i try to think or recall something and i couldn't quite grasp it , i feel uneasy / quite frankly , severely agonizing . i can't remember what happiness feels like and right then itself i know i was long gone , somewhat deviated . sure , they say happiness comes and go but how do one know when it's even there if one has forgotten of how it feels . the problem is i just don't feel and i'm okay with that really but it got a little more complicated when i can't feel the bright side , the good part . so , basically i'm just dumb as hell , more or less like a robot . people , they've been feasting their eyes on me and thought " what could possibly go wrong to such human being? " she seems perfect . " a lot of things can go wrong . they just don't seem understand . countless times i've looks are just vessels , it doesn't define what kind of person you are or what kind of life that person has . i dare say some other people may be more of person than i am even if they look a little less to the rest of the world , at least they feel , the least they're happy . it's always been me , a little cuckoo , a little derange , a little bit of everything that's strange . anyhow , i can't do much about it , can't say i didn't try . i'm no psychic , i can't foresee the future but whatever that;s going to happen will happen . guess i'm just lost in myself again , there's nothing much to say , i think that's totally normal when myself is me . maybe people are curious to know why most things they've read are about sorrow , confusion or self-reflection . truth is , tragedy makes good writing . tragedies were written from the impairment of oneself for the benefits of others . let's face it , happiness is overrated , no words could possibly be precise enough to convey such joy but of course i'm only speaking for myself .
and all of my friends who think that i'm blessed , they don't know my head's a mess .

parasuicide
Thanks For Reading Dudes !