one moment when you're with someone , both of you are happy with each other's company and the next moment everything come trumbling down . everything you ever built emotionally , come to ruin . that's the moment you fuck everything , you say fuck this that and fuck everything you've ever believed in . no matter how much you're prepared yourself to lose someone , knowing that if you let them in , someday they'll walk away but you never take it in your mind because deep inside your heart , your naivete have led you to actually hope that maybe this will last . maybe this time it wouldn't hurt . that's just plain stupid now isn't it bcause they'll always leave . most of them , no matter how well you think things are going , it'll end up the same . love is a losing game , someone always get hurt . relationship is such a hassle , committing yourself to someone i've stopped liking but i gave it one last shot bcause i thought she was worth it . but people change you see , they always do , some for the better , some for worst . i have said to myself that nobody should be an exception anymore , they're all the same . that i , Hara have prepared myself to fully shut myself emotionally once again . i did it once , i can do it again . it's not that hard , feeling again was hard , to someone , i really do love them , i'm loyal ,, i'm honest and never will i lay my eyes on anyone else so maybe that's enough . all i've given so far should be enough , more than enough . i may not be perfect but i have so much love to offer and it's wasted away . all i can give is every part who i am and every love that i have . so , no regrets . to grow up is to face the consequences of your decision . you let someone in , it's gamble , it's game of risks . sometimes they stay long enough but any other time , they'll be gone before you know it . it's alright , i'm used to it . so , fuck this , fuck everything i ever believed in . fuck feelings , i do better without a heart . a heart slows me down , a motherfucking hassle . fuck this . fuck everything , fuck this .
parasuicide